Saridon, Disprin, D’Cold

This was the first time in my life I’ve bought tickets in black to watch a film. For the last three days, I’d been trying to tele-book and book online, tickets for KANK, with no success. And because there was a fairly large bunch of us who had to watch the film this weekend, we went to one of the non-multiplex theatres. Tickets at three time the price, and no bargaining for a Sunday night show; the guy even gave us a breakdown of where the money would go. And this is what I got for all my efforts.

Rani Mukherji’s eye shadow always, but always matches SRK’s (and everyone else’s) outfits. Hell – even with her eyes blindfolded, the stripes on her whip matched Amitabh’s shirt. It’s just as well that in any given scene, almost everyone in the frame is colour coordinated. Otherwise I shudder to think what would happen to Rani’s eyelids.

Men draped in feather boas have clearly been at an orgy.

Saying ‘Dude’ is so uncool. You have to wince every time Amitabh and Abhishek address each other this way.

Favourite line: “Any message for mom?” Amitabh asks Abhishek from his hospital bed.

Spoilers Alert

So all New York is on the alert for a kidnapper whom the press – in an unbelievable fit of political incorrectness – has named The Black Beast. Because, wouldn’t you know it, the kidnapper always wears black. What innocent times we live in. Rani, who hasn’t seen SRK’s face, sees him dressed in black and uttering dire threats to his son; she snatches up the boy in order to rescue him and guess what? she’s also dressed all in black. And she waddles exactly the way she did in Black, thus allowing for some neat pop-culture referencing.

I hated

The child abuse, which was supposed to be funny.

The songs. They were so badly picturised.

The way the camera starts spinning around SRK. You don’t need any special inducements to be made to feel ill.

Actually, the film.

But I loved

The viewing experience. It was after ages that I was seeing a film at a regular theatre. There were even curtains that went up. (When I was a kid, this was the most exciting part of the cinema-going experience). Guys were selling cold drinks and popcorn inside the theatre, their bottle openers going trrriiiing on the bottles.

Misplaced sandals were found after the film (some of us slept through large portions of the film); rude remarks were made and fun was had by all.

But the best part actually came before we saw the film. As we were waiting to be let into the theatre, we watched the people stream out from the previous show. My friend asked, “So what do you people think the predominant mood is?” Glazed, I said; indifferent, said my friend’s niece. Tearful, relieved.

And then, one kid came bursting out as if released and said to her friend, “After that, I need Saridon, Disprin and D’cold!”