Today's column, however just tipped that steady boat from inoffensive to obnoxious:
Q: I am a 26-year-old married woman. My marriage was arranged with my husband last April and I have not been in a happy state since then. His family had lied to us about his educational qualifications. While I was told that he is an MBA, my husband is a B.SC graduate. Further, my in-laws had told us that he earns Rs 25,000 but in reality he earns only Rs 10,000 per month. My husband has a tendency to lie and has even attempted to beat me when he gets angry. I am currently five months pregnant. I don’t want to live with him and yet when I think about my unborn child’s future, I’m not certain about divorcing my husband. Please advice.
A: It is unfortunate that your in-laws lied to you about your husband’s qualifications and salary. You are justified in feeling cheated. But having said that let me assure you that qualifications alone do not guarantee success or money in life. It also depends on an individual’s aptitude level and capacity for hard work. While I do understand your feelings of betrayal, it would be prudent on your part to handle the situation wisely now that you are pregnant.
You say your husband has attempted to raise his hand on you, while I definitely don’t condone his behaviour, are you sure you are not provoking him by making constant digs at his degree or salary? Perhaps, your condescending attitude is getting him on the defensive and forcing him to lie to you. Why don’t you try changing your approach by being more tolerant and accepting? If he is a decent guy he will definitely change his stance. Give it your best shot and see if things work out for the two of you. Sometimes, things do get sorted out with time.
(all emphases in the 'answer' mine).
I don't know which part makes me most annoyed. This thing about 'provoking' men to bad behaviour of all kinds is unfortunately too prevalent to be dismissed or laughed off or justified by pointing out to her face-saving 'I do not condone' line. When members of the judiciary and other persons who ought to know better say the same thing, this is par for the course. It is still outrageous.
And we're talking about someone who lied about qualifications, salary and who beats/threatens to beat his wife. There's still room for doubt about whether the guy's 'decent'?What the fuck?
Oh, you know what the most ironic thing is? The header for this piece is called: Tips For A Happy Marriage.