Saturday, August 18, 2007

Waiting for the teen years

YesterdayI was at a school judging some competitions and much nostalgia happened, and a few hours of trying hard not to laugh out and instead be serious and adult and sincere and all that.

So reading this on Amit's blog this morning just totally made my day (plus being told that I don't have to go and judge Day 2 after all. Once is fun. Two days in a row is cruelty to adults).

When we got home, my son announced that he and Julio were going walking.

"Not now, Devon. Go in the living room. Chris and I need to talk to you."

He gave me a puzzled look."Can Julio come? Or is it a private talk?"

"No, Julio can take part. I think that's actually best."

Another puzzled look and he complied. When he and Julio were seated on the sofa, Chris and I launched our attack.

"Crystal, do you want to start, or should I?"

"Oh, babe, I think you should. I ... I can't."

Devon and Julio look at each other and the snickering begins. Bait taken.

With a grave look on his face, Chris began."Devon, son. I want to talk to you about condoms."

My son and Julio fell all over each other, gasping for air and high-fiving one another.

"Dude! I totally knew that's what this was! Oh, my God! We so pulled this off!" Devon said.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

"Devon. This is a serious matter. You need to be a little more receptive to what we're trying to do, here," I said.

He and Julio straightened themselves up and gave us their utmost, completely insincere attention.

"Mom, it was a joke. An inside-"

"No, no, I think it was more than that. I think it was your way of asking for information without actually asking-"

"Mom, honestly-"

"Shut it. And listen," I commanded. "Chris, continue."

"Devon. Your mom and I have been talking and we really want you to be safe. We know things happen and you're human, you have all these urges and hormones and....stuff."

The boys begin squirming and looking thoroughly uncomfortable. Inside joke, indeed.

"So, to make sure of that," Chris says as he reaches into his pocket and my child begins to turn an alarming shade of red, "we picked you up some protection
for you and your partner."

He drops these into Devon's lap.

"One for all five of them."

As Chris and I sit smugly and watch, my son goes from amused to embarrassed to horrified to flinging them off of his lap and shrieking like a little girl, all in under two minutes. It was a thing of beauty.

That's not all, however.

Somehow I'm no longer moony about little boids flying the nest and all. There's much to look forward to and I'm waiting! And when the day comes, I will also take photographs and preserve resultant embarassment forever. There's already lots of very useful stuff handy; I only have to gather more. Thanks Amit!

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